Withering Heights

When I started my stay at San Jose State, I was a seventeen year old kid who had never been to Northern California who loved Metallica. Now that I'm 38 days away from graduation, I'm a twenty-one year old kid who loves Ryan Adams.

San Jose, what have you done to my younger self?

Since I have so little time left in my college career, I've been thinking a lot about the future. the uncertainty scares me. 

 April 16, 2012. Phillies at Giants. My first visit to AT&T Park.

Not knowing where I'll be come August is scary, school always provided me with a sense of security something that I feel like I took for granted.

San Jose, I'm thinking about leaving you. The last four years have been beyond amazing but I feel like you don't have anything to offer  anymore. I'm not sure where I'll be going but if you can show me that there is worth staying here, that you can still offer me something than I will change my mind.

Prove me wrong San Jose. 

The Moon is Down

There are times in my day, generally at night, where I ger really irritated and anxious. My fight or flight instincts kicks in, and most of the time I want to leave. SOmetimes I want to throw something. It's really hard sometimes to just relax and be calm. I'm like that around others. Smiles, laughter, jokes galore. Sometimes flirty, sometimes just relaxed and putting out goof vibes. Once you take away the setting, and replace it with a more solitary one, that;s when things start to get dark.

I just sometimes feel like saying "fuck it" to everything. Social network, micro-blogging, shitty job, people, family, friends, life itself. What the fuck is this all for anyways. We're all going to die anyways.

Black Betty.

There is approximately seven billion of us. Think about it for a second. I am one of seven billion. If there are so many people on this earth why do we act like what we do individually matters. Hell, why do I wake up everyday and think that what I do is going to matter. I am just a simple dot on this place so it's pointless for me to go around and do things like someone cares.
What is the point of all this? What is the point of me going to school for the next five weeks and get a degree when I know I won't be working in that field...maybe the point is to get drunk and get laid, maybe the point is to believe in some divine being and living a life in a specific way to please this being.

Eventually everything that you see
Will deteriorate and evaporate,
Everyone that you met will turn into dust,
You won't remember them, they won't remember you.

Tonight is one of those nights where I wish I lived close to the ocean.

.......none of this matters anyways, I'm just one of seven billion.