While I was in Portland this past weekend, my friend who I was staying with was on google maps and asked me where in India were my parents use to live. After a while we were google mapping every place I've ever lived at and she noticed something that never occurred to me...she noticed how I've always lived in coastal states near the ocean. Brief stay in India, couple places in Delaware, up and down California; along touching an ocean, the furthest away from Ocean I've been is a hour long bus ride.
If you look close enough, you can spot the Shark Tank.
Portland State University.
I'm not sure why I never realized this before and I wonder if growing up in coastal regions might be one of the reasons why I love the ocean so much.
I'll build a castle and I'll make it out of plans:
I plan on dropping the lame analogies and quoting my favorite bands.
And in a wry aside I sigh about how unhappy I am that you couldn't trust me (and I don't really like myself that much either).
I'm not asking for the world, but, hell, it would be nice to think that I have power over something. Anything, really!!!!
[I am alive and I'm not sure I like it, but I'm sure that I'd miss it, and I'm sure that I've expressed this in less annoying terms before. Oh oh! I'm like a speck of sand on the beach. Oh my god, that is so deep! I am sooo deep!]
I've been thinking lately...I'm getting older, starting to compromise or sacrifice to follow my delusional dreams but at what point is that compromise worth it. I mean I went to college, got a degree and was told "You'll have the jobs you want and go out and do it." but then we inherit a shit economy and we sit around wondering what to do about it.
My mom has this whole thing that you work an X number of hours at something and that's what you get out of it and that's whats going to make you successful at something, but I'm not sure if I agree or believe in that anymore. I think part of it has to do with being born in the right time and the right place. I mean I excelled in school, did what my parents told me to do and still...it;s a matter of time and place and coming of age in the right time and right place or wrong time and wrong place.
It's just a lot of dealing with the cognitive dissonance between what I thought I was capable of and fighting the reality of what I am likely going to get and have to deal with.
Maybe this is it, I just have to come to terms that it is the wrong time and wrong place for me and that as much as I want to believe it will get better, it won't.
